I really need to sit down and figure my life out because currently I am not getting anywhere with what I am doing. As of today I have been working at my job officially 9 years and I thought about it today while sitting on my break. I’ve been in that shit hole for 9 years and that is 9 fucking years of my life that I can never get back….although 9 does happen to be my favorite number, maybe its a good year to leave and get on with my life? But where am I to go and what am I to do? I’ve also spent the last several evenings thinking about a girl that I cannot be with and it feels so damn crazy because I have had this overwhelming feeling that this was the girl I was supposed to be with if certain events didn’t happen early in my life that have derailed me to this exact place I am now. Sure it might sound a little strange jumping to a wild conclusion like that, but something is different about all this and I can really feel it. There is a part of me that thinks that maybe if I went back to where I started out in life that I could get a chance to do it all again or to begin all over again but there is also a part of me that doesn’t want to let this place go but I don’t know why. I don’t know what keeps me here or what I am still doing here, but all I do know is that it feels like I wake up to the same exact day as the day before and it’s the same fucking shit on repeat every single day. I am so tired of struggling all of the time, yet I don’t know anything else other than struggling. I know that things should be different, but I feel like there is something in my way that is keeping me from doing something about it. One day, I am going to figure this all out and I just hope that when that day comes that it wont be too late.