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shadows keeper

I remember a time nearly 12 years ago when my old man said…

“Don’t get out of school and get just a damn job, go to college and then get yourself a career.”

I never listened because I was young and stupid. So, here I am living my life with just a damn job and I am now growing old and stupid. I hate waking up to the same fucking day over and over again and I hate living from paycheck to paycheck hoping to get by. I hate feeling like I am not there enough for my daughter and I hate feeling like I don’t do enough for her when I am there for her. I hate not having enough money to get things fixed around here that needs fixed. I hate not having any type of family around. Mostly I hate feeling empty every morning I wake up and going to bed at night to fall asleep to the same empty feeling. Having a camera around has truly been my one and only escape because with the single snap of the shutter my world gets a chance to stop and I can breathe again. As much as I personally love photography, it is people that have made it disappointing for me because sometimes I feel that I will never get the full respect that I deserve for my accomplishments. I have put so much into it the last couple of years that nothing comes out of it in return.

The other night I was watching some video clips of a famous landscape photographer named Peter Lik (ya his name is messed up) but at first I kept thinking…this guy is a real asshole…and then I started to understand the man behind the camera even if I had only been watching for a few minutes and it was all so very clear to me. Here is man with a great sense of adventure, pride and extreme passion for his work. I saw a man who came off as an over-confident ass hole because he has obviously been there and done that…that referring to the current phase I am going through right now. It is time I ditched the people that stand in the way of the goals I have with my photography. It’s time I stopped worrying about the disappointment they have made me feel and it is time I put my work out there for the right people instead of the wrong ones. I am some day due to quit that damn job and do something with myself. I am going to make it because I have a lot left to prove.

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